Yes, I know. I am much too good to be putting more of my valuable tme and energy into this situation. However, being who I am, I would like to learn from this relationship and be able to move on without makng the same mistake again. I am realizing that I see the good in people. I oftentimes am attracted to their potential, which distracts me from who they are right here and right now. I see that I did that with a person who has no idea what his potential is, nor that he needs to find it. My bad. Clearly, this person will never heal from old wounds, and therefore never grow as a person. I feel better for having dumped this toxicity from my life. Am I sad? Of course I am. Even if it wasn't real, it meant a great deal to me. I now also see that I was being used to make him feel better about himself. The point where he started losing interest in me was the point where I started asking the hard questions about some of his other relationships. Questions like, "Did you tell him/her that?" the answer was always, "no." "How do you expect that person to know this if you have not told him/her.  No real answer - deflection, more comments about how the person is an idiot, etc... Should I have pushed him harder? Probably. Was I afraid he'd reject me if I did? Probably deep down. Was I still shocked when it came to pass? Defininitely. I thought that I was special and therefore immune to his toxic way of ending relationships. Even more so, I thought that he had learned from his mistakes and would not make them again. D'oh!

Now, as I watch his behavior with eyes opened, I see that I was really nothing to him but a means to an end. To appear to others as if he had his shit together. He is so obsessed with what others think that he is willing to destroy everything in order to have it. Those attempts seem more and more pathetic and desperate as others have called it. An email to MY Newcastle family gushing about how a party was such a good time and spent with "dear friends." Good thing everyone can see through him. Merely an attempt at damage control, trying to control the situation knowing that he is on thin ice with these people now that I am not there to defend him. What he doesn't know is that they do not like him and never have, but were being polite out of their love and respect for me. And when they gradually tell him what they really think, he will blame me and claim that I clouded their judgment with lies and dictate to them what HIS reality is. The comfy little world he has built for himself where he is always the hero, he is superior in every way to everyone else, and he is always right even when he is incorrect. Sad, shallow shell of a human being. Every action specifically planned out so as to make himself look better in other's eyes. So, yeah, that makes me sad, too. He still has all of the potential that I first saw, but will never reach it. I have heard him say this about others. I have heard that the thing that you despise most in others is often the thing that you despise most about yourself.

Enough. I am done putting time and energy into him. I find it amusing to watch his attempt at damage control because it is so over the top. Now putting my energy into myself, my role in the situation, the things that put me there, and how I can adjust to make sure I do not make the same mistake again, carefully evaluating my other relationships with this new information. On to reality - what the bottom line is and what really took place. I am sad that I cannot take him with me on that journey, but things and people don't always work out the way you want them to. I was blind, but now I see.